A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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