i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
