found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
