Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize