Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
