So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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