doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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