Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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