Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
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i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
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i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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