okay pat passed out under dana's car
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
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All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
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Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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