Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
