Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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