Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
