Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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