Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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