So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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