Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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