im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
