Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
