yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
