we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
