my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
