I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
