i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
