I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
