my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
either way he was missing a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize