U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
