i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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