I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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