and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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