Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
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Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
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The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
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