I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
