i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He did a backflip because drugs
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
