Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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