were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
