I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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