dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
