Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
