He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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