Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
