At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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