is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
