Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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