I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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