Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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