First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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