No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
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Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
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You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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