Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
