But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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