You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
