He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
