if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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