In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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