evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Randomize
