Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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