The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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