so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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