Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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