Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
