So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
