i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
