he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
