he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
