i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
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Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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