Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
