i think my tv is drunk
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
