Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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