woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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